Programming languages

This is a summary of the butthurt surrounding languages.

Assembly

• Verbose as fuck.

C

• Minimalistic; requires loading or writing a metric shittone of libraries to get anything done; good indicator of autism.
• Old. Hasn't been updated since C99.
  • C11 would like a word with you
• Fast and close to the metal.

C++

• Clusterfuck of unnecessary shit. The exact opposite of C's minimalism, leaving a million ways to do something and a sense of confusion as to which way is best.

C#

• Java wannabe. Only recently is it on-par.
• Microshit botnet inside (TM)

Java

>muh VM >muh slowness

• Made for code monkeys; haven for grok code and spaghetti code alike.

>muh long chains of objects

Haskell

• Executable math. Math is 2hard. You do the math.
• Monads end up infecting everything. Fuck monads.

Lisp

• Language of the gods. Can do anything, and eloquently to boot. Unfortunately most of us are unable to wield this marvel of logic and can only merely stand back in awe.
• 9001 implementations. Confuses n00bs.

>muh parentheses >I can do that in C too!!!1

Python

>muh whitespace

• Interpreted shit.
• import solution

Erlang

• Makes concurrency/multithread shit a breeze.
• Uses a specialised VM that has a hard time crunching numbers, and an even harder time handling strings.

BASIC

>It can do anything C can do, guise!!1

• Lots of property implementations, only a few decent FOSS ones.
• Still slower than C

>muh goto