Programming languages

This is a summary of the butthurt surrounding languages.

Assembly

• Verbose as fuck.
• Based Motorola ASM, so many variants, so much serial port downloading.
• x86 ASM is pretty neat too, also known as PC ASM. Pain in the ass because AT&T is the UNIX standard, and Intel is the DOS standard and they are so close but its the little things that are different. Enough different to be a pain in the dick.

C

• Designed to be a "portable assembly language"
• Very fast, but dangerous to write in because no memory management or bounds checking
• Will teach you a lot about memory and lower level computing
• Used mainly for systems/microcontroller programming
• Small language, with very small standard library

C++

• Clusterfuck of unnecessary shit. The exact opposite of C's minimalism, leaving a million ways to do something and a sense of confusion as to which way is best.

C#

• What Java should have been.
• Runs on .NET or the Mono framework
• Is very similar to Java, with some extra stuff borrowed from C++

Java

• >muh VM
• >muh slowness
• Made for code monkeys; haven for grok code and spaghetti code alike.
• >muh long chains of objects
• >muh portability

Haskell

• Executable math. Math is 2hard. You do the math.
• Monads end up infecting everything. Fuck monads.

Lisp

• Language of the gods. Can do anything, and eloquently to boot. Unfortunately most of us are unable to wield this marvel of logic and can only merely stand back in awe.
• 9001 implementations. Confuses n00bs.
• >muh parentheses
• >I can do that in C too!!!1

Python

• >muh whitespace
• Interpreted shit.
• import solution

Erlang

• Makes concurrency/multithread shit a breeze.
• Uses a specialised VM that has a hard time crunching numbers, and an even harder time handling strings.

BASIC

• >It can do anything C can do, guise!!1
• Lots of property implementations, only a few decent FOSS ones.
• Still slower than C
• >muh goto